Dave Barry's Dog Knows What They're Doing!

Dog people get this Dave Barry quote:

" The garbage men are doing something very, very evil, and only my dog knows what it is. "

Hunter Shot by His Dog

In Utah a hunter was shot when his dog stepped on his shotgun. The dog later apologized and said, “Sorry, but you did neuter me.” - Conan O'Brien

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Haven't heard anything lately, but I hope by now they've determined who exactly let the dogs out and that they've been punished accordingly. - Weird Al Yankovic

Funny Dog Quote

Sometimes I'll pick something up and put it back down, five or six times, just to show my dogs how superior opposable thumbs are. - Guy Endore-Kaiser

Dogs and Car Windows

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?  But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.   - Steve Bluestone

Ogden Nash Quote

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. - Ogden Nash

A Dog is The Only Creature On Earth......

A dog is the only creature on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The Pet Diaries-Funny!

This very funny humor is courtesy of "The Humor Archives":

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

* 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
* 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
* 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
* 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
* 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
* 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
* 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
* 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
* 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
* 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
* 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's DiaryDay

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .

Dogs Feel Very Strongly

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear” - Dave Barry

Epitaph on a Dog's Grave in Maryland

"Major : Born a Dog, Died a Gentlemen"

Dogs-Links to Paradise

"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring--it was peace." - Milan Kundera

Who's In Control?

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge. - Jerry Seinfeld